Eric said I was driving him nuts about my hair. Every few days I’d ask him what he thought, knowing his answer. "Whatever makes you happy, sweetie," he said in a brow-beaten sort of way. I always ask and he always tells me the same thing. But this time I wasn’t sure myself. So I delayed until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I was actually having reoccuring dreams that I had already cut it. Having not relaxed my hair in 4 months I knew I could no longer keep up the charade. Whenever I go natural I always cut it off. Who was I kidding trying to braid it and make it cute after fighting from root to end? So bye-bye 17 inches and 4 years of straight tresses. Hello God given curls. I’m in love.
Surprisingly, there were new emotions this time around. This time, I didn’t ask Eric to use his clippers to cut it for me. I needed to affirm to myself that it’s what I really wanted and so I did the deed with my own trimming scissors. Then after washing it and staring in the mirror, I was relieved to have made a choice, but astonished at how short it was. So I slept on it. The next morning I woke up with exuberance! As I ran my fingers over each twist and bend, I felt confident, beautiful and blessed. Crazy, huh.? After growing up too dark (read– black) for people of my own race, I had the nerve to go bald too! What about my femininity? Wasn’t I afraid of being called ugly? No. This is the third time I’ve done this. The first time I wore this style was a few months out of college at my new corporate job. I was afraid I’d be fired because they could somehow see inside my head. I figured my militant thoughts of Afrocentricity would be too easily relayed by my hair. How silly I was back then. That was 11 years ago. Now I have learned to go forth boldly. God loves me no matter what I look like.
Of course this isn’t the end all with me. I always change it up. That’s why I won’t do dreads. But never say never. Eric confided that he likes that I have the ability to change my hair. Well, then we have something in common. But…I’m still going to look up some good wig stores to keep in my hip pocket. Never know when a costume might call for flowing locks. I never plan to be unprepared.