Hey Mama

Hey Mama

I talked to your children today. And I did just what you told me to do. I never realized just how hard you had it, especially as a young, single mother. But now I know your trials. I’m sorry for any time that we didn’t listen or obey. (I bet you’re smiling). You see your son called me this morning because he was thinking about you today. And so was I.  Your birthday was always a sweet day for me, especially as a child.  I adored you and was intrigued by everything you did and everything you loved.  I just wanted to know how you came to be my mother.   But anyhow, I was doing okay today and I didn’t want to call Meek and cause her to be upset, if she wasn’t. So I worked instead. Your little one said he would try to stay out of trouble today and I told him you’d like that very much. I know you would because I’ve been in your shoes for a long time now. I really miss seeing you and talking to you. Can’t believe you’re not here with us. Have I been doing a good job with your children? I try to make sure I tend to them as best I can.  I know you said this was my job. One day I knew you would say it and that it would be my duty not to let you down.  And even though it’s not in the capacity that I thought it’d be, I mean you aren’t physically here to check on me.  I am mothering them in my heart because you would have wanted me to.

I don’t have all the spunk you possessed as a mother…as a woman. (Probably no one in the world will ever have that much spunk!) Still there are times when I chastise my little ones and I hear your voice come out of my mouth. Plain as day. Amazing! I understand some of what you felt then.

Overall, right now… I’m not sad. You suffered so much pain, that had nothing to do with breast cancer. A part of me wanted revenge on each and everyone that ever wronged you. But in the end, you would not have allowed me to do that. And I know it ain’t right. So I let it go, but still I laugh out loud at the ones you paid back before leaving. That’s probably wrong too, I know. So, I guess I just wanted to say… that I think of you often and I love when you come visit me during my dreams. I know it’s really real, but that can be our secret. God is so good. I like when you stop by with just a passing word too. BTW, what do you think of Lauren? She’s just too much like you! Anyway, I’m serious about this art of writing. Thank you so much for all the meaningful works you penned which gave me the passion that I now have.   I know you took me to college that day thinking I would come out an engineer.  How tickled you must be to see that I’m a writer too.

I hope you will enjoy wherever the words take me. Just know that I am also taking you wherever I go. Mama, I love, love, love you. (As my babies would say). Now I am totally in tune with what they feel when they say it. And yes, I make them hot with sometimes. (Smile). But all the good mamas do. And I know we gave you flack for not always stepping up when you should have. You let Nana do the really hard parts. Well I’m not gon’ say it was always okay. But I can understand.  There was never any love lost between us. Ever for any reason.  You left this earth with us totally instep and seeing far beyond the pettiness of human emotion.  Thanks for that last lesson, Mama.  I promise to share it with everyone. 

Until next time,


4 Responses »

  1. Oh how precious! I blogged a bit about her at Polly & Meek. Yesterday was a bittersweet day for me. I woke up around 3am to go to the restroom since BJ was resting on my bladder. I remembered it was Puddin’s b-day and wished her a very happy birthday and smiled and grinned thinking of how great the day would be while telling BJ all about her Grandma. As I typed up my blog yesterday, I got a little bit sad, but then I reflected on all the positives of our mother’s life, how I know she tried to do the best she could with the hand she was dealt and how she truly did love us in a very special way. Nana did the rearing, but Puddin instilled some tougher lessons in us and I believe it makes me the woman I am today. I know she is proud (she told me so when she visited me the other night) and I am so happy she stopped by because I prayed she would. That is why I was able to make it through yesterday and be happy and smile about her life. I too miss her deeply, in a way I never imagined I would…but then again maybe I knew I would because the love we shared with our mother…it was no ordinary love.

  2. Oh BTW, you are doing a fabulous job with me and Brandon. I feel I have the bestest sister in the whole wide world and I know our Mama is very proud of you. Don’t ever wonder!

  3. I knew there was an April birthday coming up from my lost calendar…the Holy Ghost helped me figure it out…thinking of you both, and shedding a tear right along with you…what a wonderful woman she must have been…but I have not missed out meeting her, she is certainly alive and well in both of you…

  4. Beautiful! And yet again, you teach me more lessons about understanding motherhood— as it relates to the job I’m doing and the relationship I have with my own mother. I am again reminded that we are simply human, imperfect, emotional, and yes sometimes petty in how we deal with certain feelings. Thanks for reminding me of how hard the job of a single mother can be (as I should recall from my own episodes). It helps me to better understand my own mother’s challenges with rearing two girls alone. I never understood it as much until I had my own children—especially my son. Funny, I hear my mom’s voice coming out of my mouth each day. I call her each week to share my understanding and lessons. Thanks again for reminding me of the special gift of mothers. God Bless!

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