Twelve years ago I began a cybermarriage with a certain free email provider. And now after such a long time of being faithful — never letting my account become inactive, never using any other provider as my primary email, staying even when they forced unwanted changes on me. Now the whole relationship is over because some evil web monkey i.e. hacker ruined it all. Now I am left to pick up the pieces. Twelve years of rebuilding to do.
Yes, it hurts but not because I thought the functionality of the email was so great. I was actually considering something new. And not because I set up my first blog on their site . It hurts because setting up a new email account is just like changing your name after you say, “I do.” In fact, I don’t! I don’t want to go through with this but it has to be done since my account was compromised and crazy emails were sent to all my contacts. I never thought about this happening inside email. I was more prepared for a virus that would one day come and gobble up my computer as I sat before it, watching it turn to dust. Eventually, I read that the contact list hacking I experienced could really be the result of a malicious virus. But no matter the cause. The result is the same. Separation. Divorce. It’s over.
I can’t trust the provider to keep my info safe nor to help me uphold my reputation as a business woman. I’m in the early stages of that and I don’t need any editors getting a crazy email in my name, containing God knows what! (And actually I found out what, cause I just had to know). So after listening to a “curiosity killed the cat” lecture from my better half, or smarter half I’ll call him for the moment, I relented and recognized that I had just been put over his knee. I was wrong. I apologized for opening the stupid email and ignoring the risk of more sabatoge to my computer or our network just so I could know if my contacts had indeed been sent an image of a large penis like one sent to my business account a few months ago. (I can only laugh as I think of this now!) Just imagine me humming a relaxing tune, sipping hot tea and beginning my day while checking for any business to handle. Then, picture me clicking on the first new message, hoping it is some opportunity to sell books and being met by a closeup of the full monty. Some people on this planet are just awful! (Still I’m laughing). But back to my very, very sad situation.
(Violins resume) I don’t even know how many online accounts I’ll need to change yet, so I’ll have to focus on the important stuff like schools, the latest Target flyer and of course my Facebook updates. To all else I say good ridance. My dear, sweet sister and partner Meek suggested that it may have been my extensive backlog of unopened/undeleted/sent email that brought this problem on. Hey! I became very busy once all the kids started school last fall. Besides what’s a few thousand email to an inbox that could probably hold a million? Well she’s right. In the good old days I’d house no more than a few hundred and I’d clean the box out every month or so. Guess, I learned my lesson the hard way. I best be off to clean out the new email box before it gets crowded too. You can email me if you want to chat, but please no giant penises !