I don’t know what it feels like to fly. I can only imagine.
I don’t know why these thoughts spark at times random.
To truly be free? Right here on earth?
Then I’ll testify that when fear is cast aside and self removed from worry,
that on my own strength I won’t make it.
That when I acknowledge The Maker. And place my dreams in the hand of He who can take them.
I mean, take me higher.
Than I could ever conceive. Then I don’t dream.
And know– that I know– that I know through God’s power.
Truth inspite of doubt.
Assurance of success at that which makes Him proud.
At that which shines His light
In the world.
Dissipates darkness and communes with spirit.
Better than flight.
This unnatural joy when I
The new year is in full swing and before it gets too far, I think I’d better get some goals down on the internet. I don’t know if having an audience (even of one) can shame me enough into sticking to the list, but I’ll try anything.
1. Come out of the closet. Did I get your attention? I’m a christian and proud of it.
2. Glorify God through my work. More faith based novels, poetry and children’s picture books are on the way!
3. Study the craft. I have a ton of books about writing on kindle and one I checked out from the library.
4. Trust God. Sometimes fear of failure keeps me grounded. It’s time to step out on all fronts.
5. Play with the kids more. We had fun over Christmas break so we are starting family game night and more baking together. Yum!
6. Even more couple time. We have just discovered that we can meet for lunch while the kids are in school. Yeah!
7. Pray about everything and worry about nothing. Think I stole that from Yolanda Adams’ Morning Show, but it’s so appropriate. Everytime I go to God he answers.
8. Eat less junk and more vegetables. I need to get my 5 to stay alive.
9. Walk more. It’s my thing. Just makes me feel good!
10. Read. Nothing like a good book. The Bible is definitely included in that list! Some blow your mind passages in there. Thanks God.
In the middle of the day I sat down to write. Yep. I called off all the other stuff and sat there. At first my mind was blank and it was way too quiet in the house. But then it came to me and I didn’t hold it back. I wasn’t ashamed that day. So I just sat there and let my fingers put it down. I saw the hideous words going across the screen. They were old and scary things. But I kept on typing until it was out. I ended that scene with a boisterous comment. A nasty, wretched truth. But when I read it aloud it hardly hurt at all. Instead of pain I felt better. That’s when I knew I had tapped into it. I felt my voice coming out for real this time. I just let the words sit there and I didn’t erase them. I didn’t cover them up. No. I hit “save,” and put the computer to sleep. Then I grabbed my keys and went to pick the kids up from school.
Last week Orion and Lauren both cried when they couldn’t go to school and still had to wait while Lainey had all the fun in kindergarten. But no more! They sung the “going to school song” today on the way to school. Today was the first full day of preschool (which is only 3 hours). No mommy and no daddy today, just them rolling with their respective teachers. The kids didn’t miss us. I couldn’t believe it was actually our two little ones— excited and not afraid to go to preschool for the first time.
Orion hated me leaving him at camp over the summer and I thought for sure I might have some issues with him today, but no. He’s not quite 3 yet and is the youngest in his class, but he is ready. Lauren fakes, shyness but really and truly is quite social. She has a few worries about school like other children teasing her or being able to sing in front of the class; otherwise she had dreamed of this day for a year now. Nothing awful happened at preschool so far and it probably won’t. Yesterday she cried when it was time to go home. Today I wonder if she’ll spread eagle across the doorway so they can’t put her in the car.
I was without them for 2 whole hours today. I took advantage of the time and went to Lainey’s classroom. On back-to-school night I’d volunteered to do whatever her teachers needed help with in the class, while they handled the whole bunch of five-year-olds. God bless ’em. After what I saw today —wouldn’t want that job. I don’t think I have the patience. If I have to turn to substitute teaching in a few years, it just may kill me. Maybe I could start with grade 2. Before I knew it school was over and it was time to leave. Lainey and I arrived at home with a full hour to spare before picking up the other two from their paradise.
So with everyone in school but me, it feels sort of weird. The kids keep asking me when am I going to go to class like daddy does. I told them I didn’t know. I am still considering taking another writing course this fall. But school, it definitely is not. Honestly, I’d love a masters in journalism, creative writing, English or whatever people who love to write get an advanced degree in. But it’s just not the right time for me. I need all my dependants in full time school before I zoom in closer on that goal. So for now it’ll be just a class here and there. More learning and honing of skills is a must. I know that now after inquiring about contributing articles to various ezines and being asked for a resume and writing samples. Hmm. Seems I better get to work.
And so it begins…
Summer always seems to fly by once the 4th comes and goes. Now that camp, which a friend of mine likened to “Manna from Heaven,” is over we’ll be embarking on August soon. School lists are posted and supplies are on sale in every discount store around. Seeing all the paper, crayons, glue and scissors makes me as excited as it did when I was a girl. Now I can share it with my lovelies. They can’t wait to shop! Ooo, I hope Eric doesn’t call from Target today asking me what stuff they need. He was eying watercolors in the sale paper yesterday. I could fake amnesia, since I only glanced at Lainey’s list, but he’d just wing it. True shop-a-holics learn this skill in the intro class, I think.
Still, there is a little hesitation in my soul about everybody leaving the house this fall. It’s faint, but there all the same. I’m holding back due to trepidation for them. Two of them don’t seem to have much fear. But the baby, well you know. He’s my baby. Part of me wants to shelter all of them from the world, even though I know they were born to become a part of it. They’re supposed to help make it better. But wanting them to be different than most of what’s practiced in the world is enough to drive any parent crazy. I am no exception.
Although school starts in September here, August will forever be the end of summer for me. In NC we’d go back as early as the second week in August. Of course the college semester always starts next month; after five years of that I’m pretty much programmed. I’ll just have to take it in stride now, and not lament any more. An early ending to our typical mayhem will prepare us sooner. It is surely going to take order and lots of prayer to see us through the great transition ahead. It’s as serious to me, as if I were going back to work in an office away from home.
I’m looking forward to a great start.
Well, it’s been too long for me. I like to post at least once a week. It’s okay though, cause I finished my last writing assignment for the writing course I’ve been taking and I submitted an article to a magazine. Haven’t heard back yet, but I’m hopeful. So while I’m waiting I just want to proclaim how good God is, in case you didn’t know! He works miracles and simply keeps us on a daily basis and that’s a mighty good thing. Join me in giving him some praise.
The Lord has been so good to me. I have new ideas brimming for articles and picture books. Soon, I’ll be setting up a Mat&May store. I’m just blessed with his promises. On top of that, I’ve enjoyed three weeks of summer camp. During two of the three all three children were there having fun while I had appointments with ease and wrote anytime I had to wait anywhere. I’ve accomplished much. Well, I’ll tell you this. The plot for my first children’s story to be released under my company, Matrimony & Mayhem Books is underway. And my editors, Lainey and Lauren say it is great! That Lainey even checks in on my progress to see if I’m working hard enough. What a team!
I picture myself typing away and researching in the library while my three children socialize and learn to follow instructions in school, come September. I have to say. God is good…very, very good. Do you have a testimony today? Holla at me.
I took my butt to bed at 10pm last night. I was so sleepy I could hardly read to the girls. They groaned, when I dogged-earred the page of their short, but long for ages 3 and 5, detective mystery; even though they intially said they understood and I could stop reading when I got tired. Little liars. I skipped bathtime, because I had pulled off a miraculous dinner—again. Miraculous meaning I was able to cook at all. And this after taking them outside because 48 degrees and sunshine felt warm, a day or two after 18 degrees and snow. I forgot I had a cold, but we were all bundled up and it only lasted about 20 minutes. Hopefully no one will suffer. They were so happy too. But more about that later. So I did what I don’t usually do and I skipped bathtime while instructing Eric to "get his son." Orion had to have a bath due to peeing on himself earlier. We are potty training heavily and I like using training pants. To me, it’s just not the same unless you can feel the wetness on your own bottom and then realize what I mean when I say, GO POTTY. I clean him up each time and get him dry but a good bath is always in order after what I call "peeing-up." The kids and even Eric use this term. I chuckle at my power to make up very useful phrases for the whole house. That’s the extent of my power sometimes. Anyhow, I went to bed and dreamed of President Obama plus some other stuff that was on my mind. But when Eric’s alarm went off at 5:30am, I thought I may as well get up too. My head still hurts a bit, due to the cold but I’m here. I am going to try this as many days as possible.
I thought to myself, if you’re going to pursue this writing girl, you better hop to it. Take advantage of sleeping babies and just do it! Of course the girls have both come to my bedroom (cause that’s where my tiny vanity-turned-writing desk is located with laptop ‘pon top). Lainey had a bad dream at 5:55am, Lauren had paper in her bed which scared her when she stirred at 6:00 am. I tucked them both back in, but now Lauren has returned at 7:35am and is now asleep in my bed. Hey, gotta do what I gotta to keep writing. I think they can smell me when I’m awake or something. Funniest thing was Lainey recognizing that it was pitch black outside and asking where was Daddy. When I told her he had gone to work she said authoritatively, "What’s Daddy doing at work in the night?" Just like a grown woman. So I explained while assuring her Daddy probably wants to get a jump on his work. But the more likely story is Daddy worked all week and is planning to leave at a resonable hour today and go shopping. I know him.
Yesterday was so phenomenal because my children were the most well behaved that I have ever witnessed. I had to take them with me to my doctor’s appointment. Thank Jesus that I didn’t need an exam (this is my Gyn, I’m talking about) I only needed a consultation. Still I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. So this must surely be documented. I read them one book, Green Eggs and Ham, then all three children simply read magazines the whole time. Surely the angel of God must have sushed them as I handled my business. We waited for 15 minutes and I talked with the Dr. for 10. Wish this could happen everywhere we go. It ended with me getting my blood drawn and showing them all how mommy takes a needle like a big girl. It’s always good to walk the walk, instead of being all talk.
For the record, that needle hurt and it did sting for a while after we left. Since I call myself a pro, you must suspect that I bribed the children with lollipops. Had them in my purse the whole time. And they received those treats as we waited for the elevator going down. I didn’t even take a stroller in with me. Now that is the Lord! Praise him!
It’s shameful that I choose to leave a trace of my naughty behavior. But what can I expect. It’s as late as it is and I’m not the least bit tired. Why? Because we have been on this late schedule for probably a week now. Kids included. They are in their beds around 9:30pm and maybe 9:45. Then up at 9am or 10am. So this morning we all got busted when my friend called at 9:50am. Not a creature was stirring. I guess it’s alright though. Eric goes back to work in a few hours and I have the pleasure of grocery shopping, washing three heads, folding laundry— basic baby and house minding while pining away for my blog. So I might as well do it now. I have so much to share. Check you soon…
Okay, I think it’s finally time to transition this blog to it’s own space. I’ll be looking at Webhosting and the whole nine to see what works best. After viewing other pages and doing a little research I don’t see any reason to hold back. I hope I can make the move as a Happy New Year gift to self. We’ll see. All this serves as more reason to write on the regular and as inspiration to finish my novel. What else can I do but try? I feel that God will bless the effort, so I’m ready to go. How about you? Found your niche yet? Tell me about it.