Category Archives: Writing

Taking it how it comes…

Taking it how it comes…

Transcending

I don’t know what it feels like to fly. I can only imagine.

I don’t know why these thoughts spark at times random.

To truly be free? Right here on earth?

Then I’ll testify that when fear is cast aside and self removed from worry,

that on my own strength I won’t make it.

That when I acknowledge The Maker. And place my dreams in the hand of He who can take them.

I mean, take me higher.

Than I could ever conceive. Then I don’t dream.

I SOAR.

And know– that I know– that I know through God’s power.

Truth inspite of doubt.

Assurance of success at that which makes Him proud.

At that which shines His light

In the world.

Dissipates darkness and communes with spirit.

Better than flight.

This unnatural joy when I

Write.

 

©P.Brooks

Lessons Learned

Lessons Learned

It’s 9:30pm so I’m already late for bed. But I can’t put it off any longer. So I’m sitting here. Writing. I’m writing because despite my schedule designed to give me more time to write, I’ve found less. I’ve been running errons for birthday parties, down with a cold, at the dentist, in Walmart, working on Polly&Meek business, in Sam’s, volunteering at the school, in Wegman’s, taking sick kids to the doctor, counseling friends and everything under the sun. So now I’m tired. This isn’t what it was supposed to be and it’s my fault.

The way these six hours of the week wiz by is a crying shame. There’s no way to pack in all that I want. I have to see my time as sacred and I haven’t respected it— at all. So here are the changes I’m making in order to get what I want — a two hour block to concentrate on my craft.

Volunteering in Lainey’s class is the first to go. As awful as it sounds, the teachers need help in class, but Lainey doesn’t.  I think she’ll still be fine if I show up every 4 weeks.  That visit will coincide with my 2 toddlers’ preschool parties which are scheduled once a month.  This way I can multitask by getting Lainey as soon as school let’s out and thus making it to the parties on time.  I’ll tell her teachers straight away.

Next is the running errons.  It’s absolutely out unless they’re seriously business related, like last week when I had to pick up tables and supplies for selling books at SterlingFest. Then there was the week before when I needed to go inside the bank to get change for Capital Bookfest.  Otherwise I can shop after the kids go down. See I can say that now since lights are out on average around 7pm.  Loving it!

However, I’ll be needing to keep my doctor’s appointments. Come on, can you see me at they GYN or dentist with my three?  No, cause I love life and I love them. Being together at these types of appointments would cause one of us to get hurt.  So, basically all that’s left is other Polly&Meek business— not including conference calls because as we all know it’s impossible to talk on the phone when you have children of talking age.  They suddenly need all of your attention or they start getting into everything so as to take advantage of you while you chat.  It’s wrong how they do us, mothers. Yup, a conference call without background chaos is still in order.  I can probably save other Polly&Meek biz til the end of the day.  I need to write in the am, but I can handle marketing at any hour. 

I’m saying all of this because, I don’t want anyone to think that all you have to do is lay out the plan or have the time laid out for you and things just magically start falling into place.  They don’t.  You have to regroup sometimes and be diligent.  Be resilient and persistent.  Forgive yourself for mistakes made and move own.  Then try hard to do better the next day. 

There will always be life lessons.  Stay hopeful to catch on the first time around.

Late for Work

Late for Work

So it’s day two of my new schedule.  I’ve got some serious kinks to work out but I think I can do it.  Ever since my friend V. said to do my writing as a job, the advice has stuck with me.  Just because I’m at home, doesn’t mean I have to act like I’m at home.  So yesterday after going to bed at 11:30pm (and yes that’s early for me) I got up at 6:30am and jumped straight on the computer.  My baby boy sniffed me out sooner than I had liked but I was still able to get some me time and some work done.  Still I had to spend part of the day working on a biographical essay, but I had a good start.

So today, it was harder to get up.  Last night was belly dancing class — we had great fun!  So I was late getting to bed since I had to eat dinner and clean up the kitchen before my shower.  I had to do a rush cleaning of my refrigerator too because it’s trash day today and I was a couple months overdue for wiping down the interior.  I hate a nasty fridge, so it had to be done.  I pulled the covers over my head around 12:10am.

I struggled to get up but made it by 6:45am this morning.  This time I got dressed and brushed my teeth before turning on the computer.  I even read a bible chapter which blessed me ,of course, and that’s how I logged on late, at 7:06am.  It was worth it.  I figure if they sleep until I wake them at 8:30am (cause I need to go the the grocery store early today) then I can get a few things done on here.  Eric was giddy lastnight when I talked about my plan to do this new schedule and he is very supportive.  Probably just glad something has moved me to action over all the complaining I do.  And it is about time.  The nice part is that once I’ve got myself together, I can focus on changing our daily schedule too.  I’m shooting for a 7pm bedtime for all the little Brooks, by August.

It would be heavenly to add some pre-dawn exercise back in too, for myself.  But I’m doing okay with 2 midmorning workouts and then belly dancing once night a week.  So I’ll take it.  Just trying to focus on one thing at a time so I get the sense of accomplishment.  Perhaps I am not too undisciplined to balance my mommy job with my new job.  Well, I’m praying over the keyboard each morning until God says, “No more, Polly. I can’t take any more of your incessant begging!  Go forth and be brilliant!”  Yeah.  He could do that.

Another Realm

Another Realm

It was never my intention to put the real me out here for anyone to see.  Knowing too much would leave me open.  Vunerable to the world. So I shielded you from me and me from you.  But, then I contemplated going back and exposing it all, under an alias of course. Just to be free and not give a damn.  But I do.  And what would I gain playing you like that?  Possibly fame if lewd and dramatic enough.  But we already have that now don’t we?  Not my taste to be like everyone else.  Cuz, there are infinite ways to tell a story.  It is theraputic for me to write and well, I want you to know what I go through.  What happens.  What I think.  So I partially put my quirky self out there.  It may be a blessing to you, in some small way, or it maybe just something to read.  Or not.  When I’m dead, they can publish my real journals if  no one’s ashamed to say I was their kin.  Me, the real me… the one who cusses, and writes poems for his eyes only, and thinks just about anything about anyone and will say it —in my diary. The me who can’t believe how stupid the smart me can really be, and the me who is slow to forgive myself for mistakes I’ve made years ago…that me is more than anybody needs to know because I didn’t list even half of the crap about me!…that me is the me I so love because God didn’t make not one of us perfect.  So the other me says, give it time.  You will find a way to share without frightening them off.  As it is, I feel myself drawing nearer.

Hey Yall

Hey Yall

Okay so I’ve got all my old posts moved over now.  Whew! I feel like I’m grown again.  Big props to Broom for helping me do this. I am mega excited over getting started at this new site.  Now we can comment and exchange notes with ease.  It’s great because people should help each other.  There’s nothing to gain from hording all the good stuff for yourself. 

If you’re new to the Matrimony&Mayhem blog then, Akwabaa!  That means welcome. I apologize for the older posts that reference pictures.  I’ll be adding some new ones here soon.  All others are at my old windows live site.  View them while you can because I don’t know how long I’ll let it stand.  I need all search engines pointing here.  Pretty sure folks need to be able to find the site in order to receive the message.  So…gotta go, gotta go.

On a different note, this selfishness thing seems to be coming with ease.  Here I am blogging after a heck of a time with my kids.  It’s always like that when I’m on my own for the night.  E, had school.  I felt I had earned a break, so I left the dishes in the sink and came straight into my lab.  Put on my wizard coat (ie. slanket) and let the words flow.   ‘Course, I feel sort-a bad because my poor tired husband is home now and doing the dishes (which I planned to wash after the business at hand).  Since I always do the right thing first, well wait… that’s a lie.  If it’s laundry to be folded, I certainly skip it until the girls are fresh out of panties.  I’ve even been known to call downstairs for Eric to bring up a couple from the clean, yet unfolded basket, before I finish bathtime.  There are 6 clean loads in the basement right now, and where am I?  Ok, maybe that just makes me slack.  My point is, if he has energy to do the kitchen, great.  I sure don’t, but I would have gotten to it by tomorrow morning, easy.

No, I’m not advocating being a complete slacker.  And yes, I do have an automatic dishwasher. There are just so many of the kids’ plastic things that produce a film and possibly toxins, we’ve found handwashing to be better.  Indeed, I’ve escaped to write but I have not escaped my guilty thoughts. Give me some time. Filthy house or no, I must continue.

A schedule seems like the only plausible answer here, although I could only partially keep to it.  I certainly wouldn’t turn down any tips on taking care of self while managing the family. Sometimes I do well at it, but if I don’t get to write I am very frustrated.   The great challenge is working it around three little ones who want , need, no — outright DEMAND attention.

To become a better writer you should read more; which I struggle to do.  I had to force myself to read until after I graduated college.  Now I love it, but don’t do a good job of making time for it.  That aside, you absolutely must keep writing.  That’s why I started blogging.  But first I enrolled in an online class.  I have one  last assignment to complete before I’m done.  I learned tons from the class and this year I’m taking a writing workshop with Highlights.  I’ve  already had two pieces rejected by them; one with a sweet note to “keep writing.” So I feel like they know me  personally now and wouldn’t mind if I show up on their doorstep begging, read paying, to be taught.  I’m not at all afraid to ask for help.  So how many of us out there want to write?  Paint? Knit? Take pictures?  What’s your true passion?